Life has been quite interesting over the past few months. I found myself stuck in a rut. I lost my focus and some things came in my life that threw me completely off track. Storms had come in my life, and my heart seemed to have been torn completely in two. I was emotionally drained. I was tired. Burned out. Tired of mean people. Tired of messy & petty people. It was all so overwhelming.How was I going to manage all of these dark days? How was I going to manage my insecure days? I knew it was a time for me to take a step back and seek the Lord’s guidance on how to get back on track. I knew I needed to pray and seek the Lord but to be honest I could not find the strength. I think we all face that at times. Negative thoughts plague our minds and we feel so defeated, downcast and downtrodden. So what did I do? Did I use pills? Did I use alcohol? Did I go to the spa? No, I did not turn to drugs. I did not turn to alcohol. I did not even go to the spa. What I needed was more than that.
One day, I was walking in to work and I just started crying, I realized that I was operating like a zombie. I was still going to work, going to church, still functioning as a good believer should, but I was slowly drifting down a bad path. I could not sleep at night and I was tired during the day, my mind would not turn off. I had to take a minute, pause and really examine what was happening to me.
So, what did I do? I turned around and got in my car and went back home. Luckily, the house was empty, my husband and daughters were not home and I had the house to myself. I went into our prayer room and just fell on my knees, I did not utter a word for the first few minutes. I just let my tears flow and wept and wept and wept. Then, after weeping, I opened my bible and began to read from Psalms 57:1,2
Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me.
I realized that I was praying with the understanding that the Lord heard me. I just began to read the scripture as my prayer to the Lord. It was an amazing experience because all of the weight was lifted and I was able to commit my ways to the Lord. ( Psalms 37:5) I learned so much during this process and it was amazing how I grew as a woman of Faith. I was stronger than I realized. Imagine that!
Lovely friend, you are stronger than you think. We have a common enemy and his job is to make you feel like you are nothing, his job is to make you feel like you are not worth anything at all. Lies! Lies! Lies!
Are all of my problems solved? Of course not! Do I still have mountains that I cannot climb over? Absolutely! But, I know that my God will be merciful unto me and he is my God that performs all things for me!